THIS IS MY LIFE
Saturday, 8/25/2001
Copyright (c) 2001, Michael Dickerson. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction or quotation is strictly prohibited without
permission.
Hi, beings ~
Perhaps you wonder why I go into the past and talk about what happened months ago (or longer). I think of 2 reasons: 1) the stories contain value no matter when they happened, and 2) this serves as my journal as well as a way to communicate with you, and I want to capture the times of my life when I wasn�t writing as well as the ones when I was.
What do I mean by �the stories contain value�? I�m coming more and more to believe that there�s great wisdom in us human beings talking about our lives with each other. How we frame them and what we�ve learned from them are, I believe, worth sharing. That�s a big part of why I do this. It�s also the reason I wish all of you would tell me your stories � either in writing or in person. I learned that again, hopefully at a deeper level last weekend when Miguel, Heather, and Sheri told their stories and Heather�s, in particular, touched something in me that was important.
So, here I go back to the end of June . . . .
I had an interesting time in sunny southern California when I was down there house and petsitting for Sheila. (However, I think it�s worthy of note that I was outside for the approximately 20 drops of rain that fell on 2 different occasions while I was there. Rain knows how to find a Pacific Northwesterner, doesn�t it?) I also learned some important things.
I learned that taking care of 5 active animals is lots of work, even if 3 of them were cats. Part of my job was to keep the cats inside, no matter how much they wanted to go out, and they did a lot. The reason? Coyotes had already gotten a couple of her previous cats. So, there I was, herding cats away from doors a lot.
Speaking of the coyotes, several of the evenings I heard them howling. One evening, in particular, it seemed as if the howling kept coming closer and closer (and maybe, in fact, it did). I felt like I was in the middle of a Stephen King movie. It was exceptionally eerie. Were they coming for us?
The 2 dogs had a fascinating game worked out between them. Wil, the Black Lab, loved (beyond loved � nearly lived for) chasing balls. He would keep going until he was exhausted, wagging his tail the entire time and acting like he was being given a Christmas gift every time. Because he�s developing some arthritis (I understand), Sheila asked me to throw the ball into the swimming pool a lot so that he�d swim instead of run. Whitney, the Airedale, didn�t care a whit (so to speak) about chasing the ball (and definitely wasn�t interested in swimming), but he took it as his job to harass Wil while Wil chased the ball. And part of the game was to try to take the ball away once Wil had retrieved it. It was really funny watching these 2 big dogs, both hanging onto the same ball as if it were a treasure and doing a tug-of-war with each other. Wil always eventually won and got the ball back to me, but that didn�t discourage Whit from trying again the next time.
I think there are some valuable lessons for me in that. Does anyone see what they might be? Persistence maybe. Realizing that what appears to be my barrier may, in fact, be part of the game. Joyous pursuit of the intention. What else?
For some reason, I felt tired most of the time I was in California. I wonder if I wasn�t sleeping well. It couldn�t have been jet lag; I didn�t change time zones. Or could it have been that anyway? Being awakened by animals that thought that I slept too late contributed some, I�m sure.
There was a young man who worked with Sheila who dropped by her house a couple of times. I just knew him as Shane. He seemed like a nice guy, but he was just some guy. Eventually, though, Sheila called (from Ireland) and wanted his phone number. She told me to look in her book under either Shane or Kilcher. It took me a few minutes, and then it connected in my consciousness. Shane Kilcher. �Is he Jewel�s brother?� I asked. Sure enough, he was. Synchronistically, I had just been looking at photos of him as a child in Jewel�s book. It was amazing to me how suddenly he became somebody in my mind. He wasn�t just some guy who worked with Sheila; he was Jewel�s brother. He was one step away from a celebrity.
Isn�t that fascinating? Just by his being related to someone famous, I began to think very differently of him. As much as I don�t want it to be this way, I still have a lot of celebrity-worship in my consciousness � making the famous folk seem more significant than the rest of us peons. (I remind myself of Lucy in I Love Lucy � and of the consciousness of most of America as reflected by Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, People Magazine, Entertainment Tonight, the Academy Awards frenzy, etc., etc.) That, of course, is one of the reasons I�ve always wanted to be famous myself. Then I, too, could be somebody. No wonder I don�t become more well-known.
Does that have something to do with my attraction to Heather � because she was a celebrity, one of don Miguel�s associates? But, then, I wasn�t all that attracted to Sheri, and she was in the same position.
And does this relate to my feelings about �cheerleaders,� the in-crowd, or celebrities, of my junior and senior high school years? Yes, it does.
This is clearly one of my issue for this lifetime. I wonder if I mis-used my status as a celebrity in previous lifetimes and am now experiencing the other side of it. That makes sense . . . and it resonates with my inner knowing.
Okay, that just rocked me. I need some time to process it. So, I�m going to stop for this time.
See what I mean about it being valuable?
Namaste,
Michael
[If you don�t already and would like to receive my letters
directly via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message needed) to either
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@igc.topica.com.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABOUT THIS IS MY LIFE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Is My Life is my letters to my family, friends, and whoever
else may be interested about whatever is meaningful to me in
my life. I don't guarantee anything about content or frequency.
The letters will be whatever they turn out to be. If you want
the best option available for keeping up with what�s happening
with me, though, this is it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COPIES AND FORWARDING
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You�re welcome to freely redistribute This Is My Life (my
letters) if you think someone might be interested in reading it.
Please don�t use any of it for profit, though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARCHIVES OF MY LETTERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you would like to read the archives of my letters and/or
holiday letters and travel reports I've written since 1977, visit
the This Is My Life Delphi Forum at
http://www.delphi.com/ThisIsMyLife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY COMMUNITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another excellent way to know what�s going on with me is to join
the Heart Song Community e-mail list. That�s an e-mail
community that provides opportunity for discussing a variety of
topics and sharing about our personal lives. You can get more
information and join at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity.
~~~~~~~~~
MY WORK
~~~~~~~~~
If you�re interested in my work, I invite you to take a look at
the Heart Song Schedule. That provides information about the
e-zines, classes, workshops, retreats, ministry, web sites, and
other programs offered by the various people and projects of
Heart Song Projects. HSP is an affiliation of people and
projects tied together by shared psychospiritual foundations
and purposes � to contribute to healing, growth, expansion, and
spiritual awakening and to serve Spirit in all life. You can see
the most recent schedules at either
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongSchedule/messages
or http://igc.topica.com/lists/hsschedule/read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sunday, August 26, 2001
THIS IS MY LIFE
Wednesday, 8/22/2001
Copyright (c) 2001, Michael Dickerson. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction or quotation is strictly prohibited without
permission.
Hi, all ~
I find that going away from home, away from my usual environment, is always powerful for me in terms of awareness and insight, no matter what I�m doing. This past Thursday through Sunday I attended the Western Unity Region Retreat at Crystal Mountain (WA). Don Miguel Ruiz (author of The Four Agreements and Mastery of Love) and 2 of his former students (Heather Ash and Sheri Rosenthal) and Sallye Taylor of Soulfood Ministries (formerly a faculty member of the Unity Ministerial Education Program) were the presenters. The program was great from beginning to end, and meeting people, the music, and other fun activities were equally important to me.
So, anyway, I arrived at some valuable insights, and I made some fascinating observations.
One of the 4 agreements is "don't take anything personally" (either the criticisms or the compliments) because they're about the other person's story (perceptions and beliefs) more than about us. That happens to be one of the issues I'm facing constantly.
Miguel teaches that telling our stories is valuable both for us and for the listeners. So he and his co-teachers all told their stories. Heather Ash's story really touched on some things in my own. She talked about how during one stage of her apprenticeship, she was feeling self-important about being a teacher. So, Miguel told her during one retreat to "be a dog" (someone who is totally loving and in service to everyone else - not a teacher). It busted her on her self-importance.
I nearly laughed about that. One of my reasons for not doing my "real" work the past few years has been to confront a tendency to feel self-important about it and to depend on being perceived as important, and to put myself totally into roles of service that didn't seem to me to be "significant" enough for me. I still haven't mastered feeling like nothing if I don't impress people with my importance, but I've made significant progress on it. When I can teach, speak, counsel, etc. from an experience of being no more important than the people I'm teaching, speaking to, counseling, etc., then I'll be ready to do them again.
Sallye Taylor also spoke about a similar issue. Though she's a Unity minister, she asks that people not call her "Reverend." Her perception is that the title carries a connotation of her being one-up on the people she's working with, and she wants to be equals/peers with them. So, to everyone, she's just "Sallye," someone who does some things that are no more important than the things everyone else does. Reminds me of how Mother Teresa approached her work.
That, of course, strikes at the foundation for my self-esteem. Am I really valuable for who I am and not just for what "important" things I can do, for how impressive I can be? (I'm talking about deeply ingrained beliefs, not intellectualizations. I get tired of simplistic �Don�t think that way� solutions. If it were that simple, my life would have been really different a long time ago. And I acknowledge that this reminds me of my parents and frustrations I had with them.*) There's my issue for awakening. I'm grateful for my having that put in my face during the retreat.
*I find it interesting to note that often when I think of things in my past, I attribute them exclusively to my mother. I did in this case at first. I wonder if that�s because my father died early and so I don�t recall his influence as much as I do hers.
You all know that I�ve been doing a lot of surrendering and following Spirit. Danaan Parry used to talk about the leap between trapezes and the point in between when we're "hanging in air." I had a couple of surrendering during hang time experiences during the retreat.
You probably know that I don't have much money and that what I do have is mostly going to my move to Santa Fe, so I went to the retreat on the "low-cost plan." I was on work scholarship (got to work on the main floor, so I didn�t miss any of the program), took my own food instead of buying a meal ticket, and tried to sign up for one of the inexpensive dorm rooms. Unfortunately, though, by the time I registered, the dorm rooms were filled. Spirit told me to go anyway, so I went - totally without knowing where I would sleep.
When I got there on Thursday, I began asking people I knew if they knew of anyone with a space for me to sleep. It turned out that a man I know pretty well from Bellevue Unity had a time-share ski lodge very close to the lodge where the program was being held and did have space. The cost was the same as the dorm rooms.
By Saturday at lunch, I realized that I hadn't brought enough food. "Oh, well," I thought, "I'll just eat less." On my way back to the program lodge, a man I know slightly stopped me and asked if I wanted a meal ticket. He was leaving early and wanted to give his to me. I accepted. At dinner that night I made an important connection with someone. (No, not that kind of connection.)
When we're on Spirit's path, we never know when or how we'll be supported, do we? I just follow my spiritual directions and stay open to whatever happens. So far I've always had places to sleep and food to eat, not to mention synchronous connections with people.
As the saying goes, let go and let God.
I believe it�s a useful self-awareness practice to notice what attracts me to the women I�m attracted to. There�s alwasys soemthing important about that. Either it reflects something I�ve disowned or need to develop in myself, or it reminds me of someone I�ve loved in the past, or it shows me what�s really important to me, or, most likely, more than one of those.
So, at the retreat there were 2 women I felt exceedingly attracted to. I�m sure one isn�t romantic potential, and I doubt that the other one is, either, but my feelings didn�t care.
The one I�m sure isn�t romantic potential is 16 years old. What I�m aware of that I found attractive about her was her platinum blonde hair (okay, let go of it), her incredible smile (both the hair and the smile were nearly identical to her mother�s, so that wasn�t the major part of it), her presence with adults (so many teens are hostile to adults, ignore them, or act deferentially with them; she acted like another adult), her performance at the talent show (she lip-synched a song and created a dance to go with it � it walked a very thin line between cute and sexy), how great she was with younger children (they hung all over her most of the weekend, and she taught all the younger girls her dance and had them perform it with her; this brings tears to my eyes; it�s a biggie for me), and . . . what else? I don�t want to say that she�s pretty, but she is, and that was some of the attraction. On the other hand, she isn�t gorgeous. I notice that I feel guilty when I�m attracted to women�s appearance, even if it�s only a small part of my attraction. Defending myself against my own criticism, I�ll point out that there were other women at the retreat who were even prettier who I didn�t feel that attracted to. The first time I saw her I felt attracted to her, and it grew over the weekend as I saw more of her. What was remarkable to me about her the first time I saw her was how she smiled at me a couple of times, how she was so there with me (I knew she was young, but from how she acted, I thought she was at least several years older than she is), and that incredible long, straight, nearly white-blonde hair. (For those of you who don�t already know this, I have nearly a fetish for women�s hair.)
Okay, moving on . . . .
The other woman I was very attractd to was Heather Ash, one of don Miguel�s former apprentices and co-presenters. Now I can really defend myself. The other co-presenter, Sheri Rosenthal, was very pretty (I�d even say beautiful), and I wasn�t as attracted to her as I was to Heather. So, what was attractive to me about her? Expressiveness (a consistent one for me), soemthing of a nontraditional quality about her (she�s a Wiccan high priestess and is . . . hippie-ish, for the lack of a better term � while Sheri is a former physician and is much straighter), her story reminded me of my own (but, in truth, I was attracted to her before I heard her story), her being a presenter and up on stage in front of everyone (but, then, so was Sheri). That�s all I can identify. I�m really not all that clear about what I found so attractive about her.
One of the things they talked about was people�s stories they lived out, even if they weren�t useful to them. I found myself stuck in an old story with Heather. I went up to talk with her during one of the breaks about some things she had said. But then I slipped into some shy behaviors, and I walked away feeling really awful about myself. Later I talked with her briefly again, and the same damn thing happened. So, after the program was over, I decided to try it again. Finally I got to her (you know how people swarm the presenters). I told her that I didn�t have any questions or anything I wanted to talk with her about, that I just wanted to break through an old story with her. I�m laughing as I recall this. She didn�t ask what it was or say a word. I got the sense that she knew what I was talking about. We just hugged � for a LONG time � and then looked deeply into each others� eyes for another long time. Then we just parted without talking. A friend described it as a �millennium class hug� and asked me what I did to get that kind of response from her. It�s bringing tears to my eyes recalling it. It�s a kind of connection that I long for in my life and rarely get.
So, I hear someone asking, why do I say there probably isn�t any romantic potential with her? Becaues she lives in Berkeley and spends half her life traveling all over the wrold teaching and doing retreats. (There�s another attraction to her. She�s doing something very similar to what I�d like to be doing.) On the other hand, she�s coming to Seattle September 14-16 for some presentations and workshops, so I will be seeing her again. Oh, that is the one thing I said to her after we looked into each other�s eyes. I just said, �I�ll see you in September.�
Fascinating story, huh? I think it is, anyway.
What else about the retreat was importnt to me? I performed at the talent show (an improv technique � Emotional Symphony, for those of you who know it � and ended up working with some children, who anyone in entertainment will tell you are hard to work with, and they were, but it went okay anyway). It was maybe the best talent show I�ve ever seen. I danced like a madman at the dance Saturday night � never stopped once I started until the band stopped playing. (Maya Soleil, for anyone who is interested. African and other international music with lots of rhthym. They�re GREAT!) I saw and wasn�t especially attracted to a woman I�ve known for many years at the retreats and used to be quite attracted to. Not sure what the change is about. I really heard Garnett Hundley sing for the first time ever. Oh, my God! I could listen to her all day. I�m verging on saying that she was the third woman I was really attracted to. Oh, what the hell. She was the third woman I was really attracted to. She, Beverly Daugherty, and Patty Wiltz make an incredible trio.
I guess that�s all, at least for now.
It was a full 4 days.
Namaste,
Michael
[If you don�t already and would like to receive my letters
directly via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message needed) to either
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@igc.topica.com.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABOUT THIS IS MY LIFE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Is My Life is my letters to my family, friends, and whoever
else may be interested about whatever is meaningful to me in
my life. I don't guarantee anything about content or frequency.
The letters will be whatever they turn out to be. If you want
the best option available for keeping up with what�s happening
with me, though, this is it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COPIES AND FORWARDING
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You�re welcome to freely redistribute This Is My Life (my
letters) if you think someone might be interested in reading it.
Please don�t use any of it for profit, though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARCHIVES OF MY LETTERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you would like to read the archives of my letters and/or
holiday letters and travel reports I've written since 1977, visit
the This Is My Life Delphi Forum at
http://www.delphi.com/ThisIsMyLife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY COMMUNITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another excellent way to know what�s going on with me is to join
the Heart Song Community e-mail list. That�s an e-mail
community that provides opportunity for discussing a variety of
topics and sharing about our personal lives. You can get more
information and join at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity.
~~~~~~~~~
MY WORK
~~~~~~~~~
If you�re interested in my work, I invite you to take a look at
the Heart Song Schedule. That provides information about the
e-zines, classes, workshops, retreats, ministry, web sites, and
other programs offered by the various people and projects of
Heart Song Projects. HSP is an affiliation of people and
projects tied together by shared psychospiritual foundations
and purposes � to contribute to healing, growth, expansion, and
spiritual awakening and to serve Spirit in all life. You can see
the most recent schedules at either
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongSchedule/messages
or http://igc.topica.com/lists/hsschedule/read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wednesday, 8/22/2001
Copyright (c) 2001, Michael Dickerson. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction or quotation is strictly prohibited without
permission.
Hi, all ~
I find that going away from home, away from my usual environment, is always powerful for me in terms of awareness and insight, no matter what I�m doing. This past Thursday through Sunday I attended the Western Unity Region Retreat at Crystal Mountain (WA). Don Miguel Ruiz (author of The Four Agreements and Mastery of Love) and 2 of his former students (Heather Ash and Sheri Rosenthal) and Sallye Taylor of Soulfood Ministries (formerly a faculty member of the Unity Ministerial Education Program) were the presenters. The program was great from beginning to end, and meeting people, the music, and other fun activities were equally important to me.
So, anyway, I arrived at some valuable insights, and I made some fascinating observations.
One of the 4 agreements is "don't take anything personally" (either the criticisms or the compliments) because they're about the other person's story (perceptions and beliefs) more than about us. That happens to be one of the issues I'm facing constantly.
Miguel teaches that telling our stories is valuable both for us and for the listeners. So he and his co-teachers all told their stories. Heather Ash's story really touched on some things in my own. She talked about how during one stage of her apprenticeship, she was feeling self-important about being a teacher. So, Miguel told her during one retreat to "be a dog" (someone who is totally loving and in service to everyone else - not a teacher). It busted her on her self-importance.
I nearly laughed about that. One of my reasons for not doing my "real" work the past few years has been to confront a tendency to feel self-important about it and to depend on being perceived as important, and to put myself totally into roles of service that didn't seem to me to be "significant" enough for me. I still haven't mastered feeling like nothing if I don't impress people with my importance, but I've made significant progress on it. When I can teach, speak, counsel, etc. from an experience of being no more important than the people I'm teaching, speaking to, counseling, etc., then I'll be ready to do them again.
Sallye Taylor also spoke about a similar issue. Though she's a Unity minister, she asks that people not call her "Reverend." Her perception is that the title carries a connotation of her being one-up on the people she's working with, and she wants to be equals/peers with them. So, to everyone, she's just "Sallye," someone who does some things that are no more important than the things everyone else does. Reminds me of how Mother Teresa approached her work.
That, of course, strikes at the foundation for my self-esteem. Am I really valuable for who I am and not just for what "important" things I can do, for how impressive I can be? (I'm talking about deeply ingrained beliefs, not intellectualizations. I get tired of simplistic �Don�t think that way� solutions. If it were that simple, my life would have been really different a long time ago. And I acknowledge that this reminds me of my parents and frustrations I had with them.*) There's my issue for awakening. I'm grateful for my having that put in my face during the retreat.
*I find it interesting to note that often when I think of things in my past, I attribute them exclusively to my mother. I did in this case at first. I wonder if that�s because my father died early and so I don�t recall his influence as much as I do hers.
You all know that I�ve been doing a lot of surrendering and following Spirit. Danaan Parry used to talk about the leap between trapezes and the point in between when we're "hanging in air." I had a couple of surrendering during hang time experiences during the retreat.
You probably know that I don't have much money and that what I do have is mostly going to my move to Santa Fe, so I went to the retreat on the "low-cost plan." I was on work scholarship (got to work on the main floor, so I didn�t miss any of the program), took my own food instead of buying a meal ticket, and tried to sign up for one of the inexpensive dorm rooms. Unfortunately, though, by the time I registered, the dorm rooms were filled. Spirit told me to go anyway, so I went - totally without knowing where I would sleep.
When I got there on Thursday, I began asking people I knew if they knew of anyone with a space for me to sleep. It turned out that a man I know pretty well from Bellevue Unity had a time-share ski lodge very close to the lodge where the program was being held and did have space. The cost was the same as the dorm rooms.
By Saturday at lunch, I realized that I hadn't brought enough food. "Oh, well," I thought, "I'll just eat less." On my way back to the program lodge, a man I know slightly stopped me and asked if I wanted a meal ticket. He was leaving early and wanted to give his to me. I accepted. At dinner that night I made an important connection with someone. (No, not that kind of connection.)
When we're on Spirit's path, we never know when or how we'll be supported, do we? I just follow my spiritual directions and stay open to whatever happens. So far I've always had places to sleep and food to eat, not to mention synchronous connections with people.
As the saying goes, let go and let God.
I believe it�s a useful self-awareness practice to notice what attracts me to the women I�m attracted to. There�s alwasys soemthing important about that. Either it reflects something I�ve disowned or need to develop in myself, or it reminds me of someone I�ve loved in the past, or it shows me what�s really important to me, or, most likely, more than one of those.
So, at the retreat there were 2 women I felt exceedingly attracted to. I�m sure one isn�t romantic potential, and I doubt that the other one is, either, but my feelings didn�t care.
The one I�m sure isn�t romantic potential is 16 years old. What I�m aware of that I found attractive about her was her platinum blonde hair (okay, let go of it), her incredible smile (both the hair and the smile were nearly identical to her mother�s, so that wasn�t the major part of it), her presence with adults (so many teens are hostile to adults, ignore them, or act deferentially with them; she acted like another adult), her performance at the talent show (she lip-synched a song and created a dance to go with it � it walked a very thin line between cute and sexy), how great she was with younger children (they hung all over her most of the weekend, and she taught all the younger girls her dance and had them perform it with her; this brings tears to my eyes; it�s a biggie for me), and . . . what else? I don�t want to say that she�s pretty, but she is, and that was some of the attraction. On the other hand, she isn�t gorgeous. I notice that I feel guilty when I�m attracted to women�s appearance, even if it�s only a small part of my attraction. Defending myself against my own criticism, I�ll point out that there were other women at the retreat who were even prettier who I didn�t feel that attracted to. The first time I saw her I felt attracted to her, and it grew over the weekend as I saw more of her. What was remarkable to me about her the first time I saw her was how she smiled at me a couple of times, how she was so there with me (I knew she was young, but from how she acted, I thought she was at least several years older than she is), and that incredible long, straight, nearly white-blonde hair. (For those of you who don�t already know this, I have nearly a fetish for women�s hair.)
Okay, moving on . . . .
The other woman I was very attractd to was Heather Ash, one of don Miguel�s former apprentices and co-presenters. Now I can really defend myself. The other co-presenter, Sheri Rosenthal, was very pretty (I�d even say beautiful), and I wasn�t as attracted to her as I was to Heather. So, what was attractive to me about her? Expressiveness (a consistent one for me), soemthing of a nontraditional quality about her (she�s a Wiccan high priestess and is . . . hippie-ish, for the lack of a better term � while Sheri is a former physician and is much straighter), her story reminded me of my own (but, in truth, I was attracted to her before I heard her story), her being a presenter and up on stage in front of everyone (but, then, so was Sheri). That�s all I can identify. I�m really not all that clear about what I found so attractive about her.
One of the things they talked about was people�s stories they lived out, even if they weren�t useful to them. I found myself stuck in an old story with Heather. I went up to talk with her during one of the breaks about some things she had said. But then I slipped into some shy behaviors, and I walked away feeling really awful about myself. Later I talked with her briefly again, and the same damn thing happened. So, after the program was over, I decided to try it again. Finally I got to her (you know how people swarm the presenters). I told her that I didn�t have any questions or anything I wanted to talk with her about, that I just wanted to break through an old story with her. I�m laughing as I recall this. She didn�t ask what it was or say a word. I got the sense that she knew what I was talking about. We just hugged � for a LONG time � and then looked deeply into each others� eyes for another long time. Then we just parted without talking. A friend described it as a �millennium class hug� and asked me what I did to get that kind of response from her. It�s bringing tears to my eyes recalling it. It�s a kind of connection that I long for in my life and rarely get.
So, I hear someone asking, why do I say there probably isn�t any romantic potential with her? Becaues she lives in Berkeley and spends half her life traveling all over the wrold teaching and doing retreats. (There�s another attraction to her. She�s doing something very similar to what I�d like to be doing.) On the other hand, she�s coming to Seattle September 14-16 for some presentations and workshops, so I will be seeing her again. Oh, that is the one thing I said to her after we looked into each other�s eyes. I just said, �I�ll see you in September.�
Fascinating story, huh? I think it is, anyway.
What else about the retreat was importnt to me? I performed at the talent show (an improv technique � Emotional Symphony, for those of you who know it � and ended up working with some children, who anyone in entertainment will tell you are hard to work with, and they were, but it went okay anyway). It was maybe the best talent show I�ve ever seen. I danced like a madman at the dance Saturday night � never stopped once I started until the band stopped playing. (Maya Soleil, for anyone who is interested. African and other international music with lots of rhthym. They�re GREAT!) I saw and wasn�t especially attracted to a woman I�ve known for many years at the retreats and used to be quite attracted to. Not sure what the change is about. I really heard Garnett Hundley sing for the first time ever. Oh, my God! I could listen to her all day. I�m verging on saying that she was the third woman I was really attracted to. Oh, what the hell. She was the third woman I was really attracted to. She, Beverly Daugherty, and Patty Wiltz make an incredible trio.
I guess that�s all, at least for now.
It was a full 4 days.
Namaste,
Michael
[If you don�t already and would like to receive my letters
directly via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message needed) to either
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@igc.topica.com.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABOUT THIS IS MY LIFE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Is My Life is my letters to my family, friends, and whoever
else may be interested about whatever is meaningful to me in
my life. I don't guarantee anything about content or frequency.
The letters will be whatever they turn out to be. If you want
the best option available for keeping up with what�s happening
with me, though, this is it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COPIES AND FORWARDING
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You�re welcome to freely redistribute This Is My Life (my
letters) if you think someone might be interested in reading it.
Please don�t use any of it for profit, though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARCHIVES OF MY LETTERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you would like to read the archives of my letters and/or
holiday letters and travel reports I've written since 1977, visit
the This Is My Life Delphi Forum at
http://www.delphi.com/ThisIsMyLife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY COMMUNITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another excellent way to know what�s going on with me is to join
the Heart Song Community e-mail list. That�s an e-mail
community that provides opportunity for discussing a variety of
topics and sharing about our personal lives. You can get more
information and join at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity.
~~~~~~~~~
MY WORK
~~~~~~~~~
If you�re interested in my work, I invite you to take a look at
the Heart Song Schedule. That provides information about the
e-zines, classes, workshops, retreats, ministry, web sites, and
other programs offered by the various people and projects of
Heart Song Projects. HSP is an affiliation of people and
projects tied together by shared psychospiritual foundations
and purposes � to contribute to healing, growth, expansion, and
spiritual awakening and to serve Spirit in all life. You can see
the most recent schedules at either
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongSchedule/messages
or http://igc.topica.com/lists/hsschedule/read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
THIS IS MY LIFE
Tuesday, 8/21/2001
Copyright (c) 2001, Michael Dickerson. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction or quotation is strictly prohibited without
permission.
Howdy, y�all ~
My plans have changed again. (Hey, who am I to question Spirit�s changes in my plans?)
Because of my work on the Leap of Faith staff, I�ve been offered (and have accepted) the opportunity to attend Jeff Alexander�s retreat The Invitation in mid-September for a drastically reduced fee. I�ve wanted to participate in it for a long time, and this feels like Spirit�s gift to me. (By the way, I�ve heard rumors that Kenny Loggins might be there, too. That would be fun, given that I�ve just finished his and Julia�s book about their relationship.)
At about the same time I was offered a job house and petsitting until the end of September. I�ve taken that, too.
So, I�m now planning to leave for Santa Fe the first time about September 30. I�ll be there for a few weeks making contacts, finding some work, and finding a place to live, and then I�ll return to Bellevue by the end of October for a couple of weeks. My final, permanent move will be approximately November 12-15.
Am I sure? Never. I follow Spirit, and I never know when I�ll get new directions.
Namaste,
Michael
[If you don�t already and would like to receive my letters
directly via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message needed) to either
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@igc.topica.com.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABOUT THIS IS MY LIFE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Is My Life is my letters to my family, friends, and whoever
else may be interested about whatever is meaningful to me in
my life. I don't guarantee anything about content or frequency.
The letters will be whatever they turn out to be. If you want
the best option available for keeping up with what�s happening
with me, though, this is it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COPIES AND FORWARDING
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You�re welcome to freely redistribute This Is My Life (my
letters) if you think someone might be interested in reading it.
Please don�t use any of it for profit, though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARCHIVES OF MY LETTERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you would like to read the archives of my letters and/or
holiday letters and travel reports I've written since 1977, visit
the This Is My Life Delphi Forum at
http://www.delphi.com/ThisIsMyLife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY COMMUNITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another excellent way to know what�s going on with me is to join
the Heart Song Community e-mail list. That�s an e-mail
community that provides opportunity for discussing a variety of
topics and sharing about our personal lives. You can get more
information and join at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity.
~~~~~~~~~
MY WORK
~~~~~~~~~
If you�re interested in my work, I invite you to take a look at
the Heart Song Schedule. That provides information about the
e-zines, classes, workshops, retreats, ministry, web sites, and
other programs offered by the various people and projects of
Heart Song Projects. HSP is an affiliation of people and
projects tied together by shared psychospiritual foundations
and purposes � to contribute to healing, growth, expansion, and
spiritual awakening and to serve Spirit in all life. You can see
the most recent schedules at either
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongSchedule/messages
or http://igc.topica.com/lists/hsschedule/read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tuesday, 8/21/2001
Copyright (c) 2001, Michael Dickerson. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction or quotation is strictly prohibited without
permission.
Howdy, y�all ~
My plans have changed again. (Hey, who am I to question Spirit�s changes in my plans?)
Because of my work on the Leap of Faith staff, I�ve been offered (and have accepted) the opportunity to attend Jeff Alexander�s retreat The Invitation in mid-September for a drastically reduced fee. I�ve wanted to participate in it for a long time, and this feels like Spirit�s gift to me. (By the way, I�ve heard rumors that Kenny Loggins might be there, too. That would be fun, given that I�ve just finished his and Julia�s book about their relationship.)
At about the same time I was offered a job house and petsitting until the end of September. I�ve taken that, too.
So, I�m now planning to leave for Santa Fe the first time about September 30. I�ll be there for a few weeks making contacts, finding some work, and finding a place to live, and then I�ll return to Bellevue by the end of October for a couple of weeks. My final, permanent move will be approximately November 12-15.
Am I sure? Never. I follow Spirit, and I never know when I�ll get new directions.
Namaste,
Michael
[If you don�t already and would like to receive my letters
directly via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message needed) to either
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@igc.topica.com.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABOUT THIS IS MY LIFE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Is My Life is my letters to my family, friends, and whoever
else may be interested about whatever is meaningful to me in
my life. I don't guarantee anything about content or frequency.
The letters will be whatever they turn out to be. If you want
the best option available for keeping up with what�s happening
with me, though, this is it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COPIES AND FORWARDING
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You�re welcome to freely redistribute This Is My Life (my
letters) if you think someone might be interested in reading it.
Please don�t use any of it for profit, though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARCHIVES OF MY LETTERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you would like to read the archives of my letters and/or
holiday letters and travel reports I've written since 1977, visit
the This Is My Life Delphi Forum at
http://www.delphi.com/ThisIsMyLife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY COMMUNITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another excellent way to know what�s going on with me is to join
the Heart Song Community e-mail list. That�s an e-mail
community that provides opportunity for discussing a variety of
topics and sharing about our personal lives. You can get more
information and join at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity.
~~~~~~~~~
MY WORK
~~~~~~~~~
If you�re interested in my work, I invite you to take a look at
the Heart Song Schedule. That provides information about the
e-zines, classes, workshops, retreats, ministry, web sites, and
other programs offered by the various people and projects of
Heart Song Projects. HSP is an affiliation of people and
projects tied together by shared psychospiritual foundations
and purposes � to contribute to healing, growth, expansion, and
spiritual awakening and to serve Spirit in all life. You can see
the most recent schedules at either
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongSchedule/messages
or http://igc.topica.com/lists/hsschedule/read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
THIS IS MY LIFE
Friday, 8/10/2001
Copyright (c) 2001, Michael Dickerson. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction or quotation is strictly prohibited without
permission.
Hi, everyone ~
Yes, I know I haven�t been writing. You don�t need to remind me. This getting ready to move across country is a bigger project than I was imagining. And, then, on top of that, I�ve had some computer changes and lots of moving around for work. I�ll get to all of that in my next letter.
But first . . . here�s the latest update on my move: I�ve picked up a job for Labor Day weekend and possibly another one for a few days after that. Consequently, I�ve moved my date for leaving for Santa Fe back to somewhere around September 8. I�ve also come to conceptualize that trip as my �practice move� (a term given to me by a friend). I�ll go down there to find a place to live, begin meeting people, and begin getting established.
Then I�ll return to the Seattle area for a couple of weeks at the end of October and beginning of November for my meditation group�s retreat, the next Leap of Faith, getting rid of the last of my excess stuff, and a farewell party. When I go back to Santa Fe that time, it will be my �real move.�
So, if you�re in the Seattle area, or if you want to visit the Seattle area, you�re invited to my �Yes, I�m Really Finally Moving to Santa Fe Farewell Party� sometime the first weekend of November. I�m thinking that maybe everyone who attends will get a gift � something I�m trying to get rid of. We shall see. I�m pausing in my writing for a few moments as I begin to find the ideas flowing.
I�ve been experiencing a mixture of feelings about moving, mostly riding the edge between excitement/eagerness and anxiety. The biggest reluctance I have is leaving people and activities that are important to me to go to a place where I don�t really know anyone. This is the first time in my life I�ve made a major move alone. And, this gives me another opportunity to just ride with my process, to say to all my swirling feelings and thoughts, �So what?� I�m going no matter what my feelings and thoughts may be, because Spirit keeps telling me to go.
It�s really fascinating how I keep receiving guidance every time my resolve begins to waver. Maybe you know about all the �license plate guidance� I�ve received over the past few years. Yesterday it was rune guidance. I went to a web site for One Spirit, a spiritual/growth/health book club (if you�re interested, please contact me about my referring you so I can get a free book), and there was a link to click to get a rune reading. I thought, �Okay, what do you have to say about me moving to Santa Fe?� and clicked. Here�s what I got:
�Inguz: Fertility, New Beginnings
The completion of beginnings is what Inguz requires. Drawing this Rune may mark a time of joyful deliverance, of new life, a new path. A Rune of great power, receiving it means that you now have the strength to achieve completion, resolution, from which comes a new beginning. Above all, completion is crucial here. It may be timely that you complete some project now; if so, make that your first priority. Perhaps a difficult state of mind can be clarified or resolved. The appearance of this Rune indicates that you must fertilize the ground for your own deliverance.�
Sounds pretty clear to me.
It�s coming soon.
Namaste,
Michael
[If you don�t already and would like to receive my letters
directly via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message needed) to either
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@igc.topica.com.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABOUT THIS IS MY LIFE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Is My Life is my letters to my family, friends, and whoever
else may be interested about whatever is meaningful to me in
my life. I don't guarantee anything about content or frequency.
The letters will be whatever they turn out to be. If you want
the best option available for keeping up with what�s happening
with me, though, this is it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COPIES AND FORWARDING
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You�re welcome to freely redistribute This Is My Life (my
letters) if you think someone might be interested in reading it.
Please don�t use any of it for profit, though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARCHIVES OF MY LETTERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you would like to read the archives of my letters and/or
holiday letters and travel reports I've written since 1977, visit
the This Is My Life Delphi Forum at
http://www.delphi.com/ThisIsMyLife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY COMMUNITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another excellent way to know what�s going on with me is to join
the Heart Song Community e-mail list. That�s an e-mail
community that provides opportunity for discussing a variety of
topics and sharing about our personal lives. You can get more
information and join at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity.
~~~~~~~~~
MY WORK
~~~~~~~~~
If you�re interested in my work, I invite you to take a look at
the Heart Song Schedule. That provides information about the
e-zines, classes, workshops, retreats, ministry, web sites, and
other programs offered by the various people and projects of
Heart Song Projects. HSP is an affiliation of people and
projects tied together by shared psychospiritual foundations
and purposes � to contribute to healing, growth, expansion, and
spiritual awakening and to serve Spirit in all life. You can see
the most recent schedules at either
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongSchedule/messages
or http://igc.topica.com/lists/hsschedule/read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Friday, 8/10/2001
Copyright (c) 2001, Michael Dickerson. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction or quotation is strictly prohibited without
permission.
Hi, everyone ~
Yes, I know I haven�t been writing. You don�t need to remind me. This getting ready to move across country is a bigger project than I was imagining. And, then, on top of that, I�ve had some computer changes and lots of moving around for work. I�ll get to all of that in my next letter.
But first . . . here�s the latest update on my move: I�ve picked up a job for Labor Day weekend and possibly another one for a few days after that. Consequently, I�ve moved my date for leaving for Santa Fe back to somewhere around September 8. I�ve also come to conceptualize that trip as my �practice move� (a term given to me by a friend). I�ll go down there to find a place to live, begin meeting people, and begin getting established.
Then I�ll return to the Seattle area for a couple of weeks at the end of October and beginning of November for my meditation group�s retreat, the next Leap of Faith, getting rid of the last of my excess stuff, and a farewell party. When I go back to Santa Fe that time, it will be my �real move.�
So, if you�re in the Seattle area, or if you want to visit the Seattle area, you�re invited to my �Yes, I�m Really Finally Moving to Santa Fe Farewell Party� sometime the first weekend of November. I�m thinking that maybe everyone who attends will get a gift � something I�m trying to get rid of. We shall see. I�m pausing in my writing for a few moments as I begin to find the ideas flowing.
I�ve been experiencing a mixture of feelings about moving, mostly riding the edge between excitement/eagerness and anxiety. The biggest reluctance I have is leaving people and activities that are important to me to go to a place where I don�t really know anyone. This is the first time in my life I�ve made a major move alone. And, this gives me another opportunity to just ride with my process, to say to all my swirling feelings and thoughts, �So what?� I�m going no matter what my feelings and thoughts may be, because Spirit keeps telling me to go.
It�s really fascinating how I keep receiving guidance every time my resolve begins to waver. Maybe you know about all the �license plate guidance� I�ve received over the past few years. Yesterday it was rune guidance. I went to a web site for One Spirit, a spiritual/growth/health book club (if you�re interested, please contact me about my referring you so I can get a free book), and there was a link to click to get a rune reading. I thought, �Okay, what do you have to say about me moving to Santa Fe?� and clicked. Here�s what I got:
�Inguz: Fertility, New Beginnings
The completion of beginnings is what Inguz requires. Drawing this Rune may mark a time of joyful deliverance, of new life, a new path. A Rune of great power, receiving it means that you now have the strength to achieve completion, resolution, from which comes a new beginning. Above all, completion is crucial here. It may be timely that you complete some project now; if so, make that your first priority. Perhaps a difficult state of mind can be clarified or resolved. The appearance of this Rune indicates that you must fertilize the ground for your own deliverance.�
Sounds pretty clear to me.
It�s coming soon.
Namaste,
Michael
[If you don�t already and would like to receive my letters
directly via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message needed) to either
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or
ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@igc.topica.com.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABOUT THIS IS MY LIFE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Is My Life is my letters to my family, friends, and whoever
else may be interested about whatever is meaningful to me in
my life. I don't guarantee anything about content or frequency.
The letters will be whatever they turn out to be. If you want
the best option available for keeping up with what�s happening
with me, though, this is it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COPIES AND FORWARDING
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You�re welcome to freely redistribute This Is My Life (my
letters) if you think someone might be interested in reading it.
Please don�t use any of it for profit, though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARCHIVES OF MY LETTERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you would like to read the archives of my letters and/or
holiday letters and travel reports I've written since 1977, visit
the This Is My Life Delphi Forum at
http://www.delphi.com/ThisIsMyLife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY COMMUNITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another excellent way to know what�s going on with me is to join
the Heart Song Community e-mail list. That�s an e-mail
community that provides opportunity for discussing a variety of
topics and sharing about our personal lives. You can get more
information and join at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity.
~~~~~~~~~
MY WORK
~~~~~~~~~
If you�re interested in my work, I invite you to take a look at
the Heart Song Schedule. That provides information about the
e-zines, classes, workshops, retreats, ministry, web sites, and
other programs offered by the various people and projects of
Heart Song Projects. HSP is an affiliation of people and
projects tied together by shared psychospiritual foundations
and purposes � to contribute to healing, growth, expansion, and
spiritual awakening and to serve Spirit in all life. You can see
the most recent schedules at either
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongSchedule/messages
or http://igc.topica.com/lists/hsschedule/read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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