THIS IS MY LIFE
Monday, 6/17/2002
Copyright (c) 2002, Michael (Dickerson) Deluno. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction or quotation is strictly prohibited without permission.

Hi, all of y�all ~

Part 2 of my Cassandra story. I'm going to try to summarize. And I'm finding this very difficult to write about. Obviously there�s something valuable for me here�. It must be incredibly valuable as difficult as this is feeling.

Walk through the doorway, Michael.

The trip to Seattle (6/2-4): I�ve rarely, if ever, had as much fun traveling with anyone as I did with Cassandra. We talked openly, laughed a lot, processed feelings, flirted, and learned a lot about each other.

Life gave us a great opportunity right from the beginning. Cassandra lost her wallet, containing her money, and we had the grand opportunity to see how we handled stress together. I�ve never been around anyone who handled it as well as she did.

I found my attraction to her growing very quickly. By that I again mean all kinds of attraction, not just sexual attraction. The reality, though, was that the more I admired her and the more I liked her and the more I felt affectionate toward her, the more I found her sexually attractive, too.

I teased her about touching and about sex, but (my perception) I kept my agreement with her to not make sex an issue. I hardly ever touched her and never in a sexual way, and I never made any sexual proposals (because I was genuinely committed to my agreement for us to not be sexual during the trip).

We also shared motel rooms, though not beds. The only time I even sat on her bed was once when she was processing some heavy feelings and I wanted to be more present with her. Even then I didn�t touch her.

The way she traveled with me was, in a lot of ways, more like my perception of how loving partners travel together than like how friends travel together, let alone how people who had really just met travel together. I felt more intimacy in how she was with me in our interactions than I�ve felt with most of the women I�ve been in romantic relationships with. We spent probably 23 hours a day together, and I never had any urge to get away from her. I soon began to feel like we were a couple, no matter what we were saying to each other. That was just my best representation of how we were being together.

And that�s the most important and pertinent thing I can say. Except for physically and sexually, I felt more intimate with Cassandra than I�ve felt with nearly any other person in my life, and that made all the difference to me. That�s it. Change what I said above. The more intimate I felt with her, the more sexually attracted to her I became. Writing this is the first time I�ve recognized that consciously.

Can you tell where this is going?

Part 3 in my next letter.

Namaste,
Michael

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