Wednesday, 10/30/2002

Hi ~

For anyone who has the very common misconception about Santa Fe that it�s hot all the time (like Phoenix, I guess), I'll just let you know that it snowed here yesterday. It wasn�t a lot, but I did get about a quarter of an inch of accumulation on my car. There�s snow on all the mountains around, and the Santa Fe Ski Bowl began to build its base for the ski season.

Okay, I'm going to catch you up on the highlights of the past 7 weeks. Why 7 weeks? Because that�s as far back as I can think of highlights that I haven�t already told you about. Or, alternatively, why not?

Before I dip more than an hour into the past, though: I received a message earlier today from a woman who�s involved in Taos Unity. She said that they have a wonderful bunch of folks at Unity Taos. That reminded me of my visit there 5 years ago and of a woman I had a spiritual recognition experience with. Nice memories. And that was about a week after I began the first of my e-mail letters � the predecessors to this one.

Moving right along . . . 7 weeks ago today was 9/11. Can you believe it�s already that long ago? I was at Unity Santa Fe for about 12 hours of the 24-hour prayer vigil, though part of that time I was working. We had someone start off each hour with a reading, song, meditation, or whatever. So, every hour I�d go into the sanctuary for that and then go back to work when they all went back into silence.

But that isn�t what I really wanted to tell you about. One of the hours, I was the �focalizer� for that time. I read excerpts from a speech that had been given by Ohio Congressperson Dennis Kucinich. I love what he has to say, and I thought it was exceptionally relevant to the day. What was most significant for me was what I created about it in my head. I worried (ugh) in advance that people might not appreciate it because it was a bit political (though I took most of the political material out of it), and I even considered reading something else instead. But, in the end, I set my worries aside and offered the Kucinich speech as a stand for my integrity.

Then I really found myself stirring inside when I discovered that Rev. Brendalyn was going to be there for it. I kept looking back at her and imagining she wasn�t liking it and that she was judging me for reading it. Even though it was very spiritual, it WAS a speech by a politician, after all. She didn�t say anything to me that evening � which gave me the opportunity to more deeply explore my worries and my imagining that people (not just her) who are important to me were judging me.

I don�t like that there�s that part of me that worries that people I want to like me and to approve of my actions won�t. But, I stayed with that and came out saying to myself, �If that�s the way it is, I accept it. What was most important was that I acted from my integrity.�

The next day when I saw Brendalyn, she said to me, pretty much in passing, as if it hadn�t really been any big deal, �I liked your reading.� Another lesson in the dysfunctionality of monkey mind � not the first of this nature, but apparently I need them repeatedly.

I told you in an earlier letter that I signed on for a year in the Unity Santa Fe Prayer Chaplain program and that I participated in the weekend training retreat September 13-15. I'm not going to repeat that. Toward the end of September, Brendalyn mentioned to me that we didn�t have anyone to do the Thanksgiving Eve service this year. (She goes on vacation every year at the end of November.) Within a few hours, I�d hatched a plan. I suggested to the Prayer Chaplains that we do the service. After all, when I was a Lay Minister at Unity of Bellevue, the Lay Ministers did the Easter Sunrise Service every year and I had participated in that quite a few times. There were enough of us who were enthusiastic about it that we�re going to do it. So, if you happen to be in Santa Fe Thanksgiving Eve, I invite you to come and experience it.

We had another half day of training on October 12 � the end of the training prior to our confirmation and dedication as official Prayer Chaplains. Then on October 16 I had my interview with Brendalyn that finally determined if I�d be allowed into the program. And, much to my chagrin, I went into some anxiety about it. I couldn�t imagine what she might have to say to me that was negative, and yet I fantasized that there might be something. Again, I just tried to be as present with the anxiety as possible and to keep moving. Perhaps you can guess what happened. She was very positive with me about my participation and about my work there in general. The only thing she said that was the least negative was that she was concerned that I volunteer too much and might end up burning myself out. You�ll understand a bit more fully as I tell you more.

We had 2 ceremonies to induct us as Prayer Chaplains. October 17 was the Prayer Chaplains� in-team dedication and potluck. (Aside: I�ve been to some of the best potlucks I�ve ever been to in the past couple of months. Whether people cooked themselves or brought something from Whole Foods or Wild Oats � and that�s where nearly everyone buys food � the meals were great.) Then on Sunday the 20th we had our formal induction during the church service. So, I'm officially a Unity Santa Fe Prayer Chaplain now.

Damn, this is turning out to be a lot longer than I thought it would be. I'll write a few more paragraphs, and then take a break.

I�ve taken a Religious Beliefs Sorter several times, the last one being in early September. To my surprise, I came out as most similar in beliefs to the Unitarian Universalists. I�ve known that I still have some �Unitarian orientations,� but I couldn�t imagine that I was most like UUs. (If you don�t know, I was a UU minister in the mid-�70s and gave it up because I didn�t fit as a Unitarian. The main way I didn�t fit was that I was more drawn to the heart than to the head and to the spiritual than to the intellectual.)

As one result of some conversations I had with a few Unitarians, I decided that maybe things had changed in UU-world. Maybe they were more spiritually-oriented now, I thought. So, I decided to attend the Santa Fe UU church one Sunday morning in September. Result? I still appreciate a lot about UU, and I'm not at home at that church. It didn�t touch my heart or my spirit. And I knew before I even went that it would be that way. I could feel it.

The truth is that the more I experience spiritually, the more I think I'm not really at home in any one religion. I reside in that spiritual home that resonates with many traditions but embraces none of them fully. Yet, I find that there are spiritual leaders with whom I resonate. Fortunately for me, Brendalyn is one of them. More about that in my next letter.

This one is long enough.

Namaste,
Michael

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