This Is My Life 5/13/03

I'm not going to reply to most of what other people have said in reply to yesterday's message yet because I want to see what other people might say before I do. I'll just comment for now that it's interesting to me what some people are reading into what I wrote that I didn't actually say. There is one reply that I'd like to make some comments about, though.

I see the issue of "learning to accept rejection and humiliation" differently than this person does. I believe that what we resist, we continue to create until we can accept it. Therefore a sign of a high spiritual consciousness is to be able to accept anything that occurs.

That's different than what we choose to focus on. Yes, of course, I focus on the positive. Part of the positive is that the women who aren't right for me don't get involved with me. Therefore, sometimes I receive turndowns as part of my process of discovering who isn't really right for me. I see that as very positive. Maybe one day I'll progress to only approaching women who are right for me (or the one who is really right for me, as the case may be). So far I haven't reached that level of spiritual discernment, and I'm willing to. That was the main point of my message. I'm working on learning the process of discernment with women.

When I use the terms "rejection" and "humiliation," I mean them as descriptions of behavior that women use when I invite them to become involved. I'm not adding all the interpretations to that. That she rejects or attempts to humiliate is her choice. How I interpret that is mine. As this person suggested, I can interpret it as her loss. I can also interpret it as a blessing - that I've discovered another woman who isn't right for me. (My point of view is that every event and every circumstance can be interpreted from any of at least 6 points of view: as a disaster, as a problem, as a challenge, as an opportunity, as a blessing, or as a miracle. I prefer interpreting things as opportunities, blessings, and miracles.)

My opportunity is to learn to accept their behavior rather than to be disappointed, frustrated, or hurt by it (all of which, of course, comes from my interpretation of it). "Oh, she rejected me. Isn't that interesting? I guess we must not be a right match." That's what I mean by accepting it. What I've done in the past that doesn't work for me is to keep hoping and longing for her to change her mind (that is, resisting rather than accepting).

I also believe that until I can accept rejection and humiliation and not be stopped by them, then I'm blocking my own success in relationships. I am here to remove all barriers to experiencing and expressing my magnificence. Finding a relationship and facing whatever comes in doing that is one of the spiritual paths to that end.

I think some people have never received women�s (or men�s, depending on their sexual orientation) attempts to humiliate. I have. Some metaphysicians would say that I created that by my thoughts and beliefs. I believe that some of what we�re receiving has nothing to do with our own creation � that it�s a divine assignment for us to heal for the benefit of all humankind. I�ve been given a lot of relationship issues to heal as part of my assignment for this lifetime. (I know I sound like a heretic to some of you who are metaphysicians.)

So, there�s a little more context for what I�ve asked.

And, for those of you who don�t know me, or who don�t know me well, here�s a little information about me that you can read: http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=ohanamd.

Peace~Shalom~Salaam,
Michael
ohanamd@earthlink.net

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CCLSchedule
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity-Online
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ThisIsMyLife
http://groups.msn.com/HeartCenteredMan

This Is My Life 5/12/03

I used to think I understood the signs women give when they�re romantically interested in men. I even wrote about it and taught it in some of my classes. Now I'm wondering if I know anything useful about it at all.

This crisis of doubt began with my colossal misunderstanding of Cassandra. I TOTALLY misunderstood her interests and intentions a year ago when we were traveling together. She still occasionally does things that in the past I would have interpreted as romantic (even sexual) invitations.

And there was the woman 4 or 5 years ago who did something that I even asked some friends about. �What does it mean when a woman does this?� It looked like a come-on to me. It wasn�t.

And there are other incidents with other women.

Then yesterday another woman did something that in the past I would have interpreted pretty clearly as something between flirting and seductive. It wouldn�t be an issue for me if I weren�t attracted to her, and I am. However, she isn�t available (unless she�s polyamorous, that is, and I haven�t seen any signs of that). So, what does it mean?

I'm beginning to wonder if I read interest into lots of things when it isn�t really there. That balances my wondering if I miss interest when it really is there. Maybe I'll never know when women are interested and when they aren�t prior to asking.

(I�ve also misinterpreted women�s shyness as their not liking me, by the way, including one recent incident of that.)

This, of course, wouldn�t be an issue if I were like some men and asked for dates (what�s a more current way of expressing that?) whenever I'm interested, no matter whether the women seem interested or not. But I don�t. At least I haven�t. Some people have suggested that I do that.

Maybe that�s the lesson in this. Maybe I need to be more assertive instead of waiting for some kind of invitation. Maybe I just need to learn to accept rejection and humiliation when it comes. Sounds like fun, doesn�t it?

There are about half a dozen behaviors that I�d like feedback about � especially from women. What would this behavior mean if you did it with a man? What would this behavior mean to you if you saw another woman do it with a man? Actually, come to think of it, feedback from other men would be helpful, too. How would you interpret these behaviors if a woman did them with you?

Maybe no behavior is a predictable message of anything. Maybe the whole idea of reading body language is a fallacy.

Or, maybe women are communicating something they�re denying and may not even be aware of.

Here are the behaviors I�d like your feedback about:
� She stands exceptionally close to me, closer than �normal,� and looks into my eyes while talking with me.
� She touches me a lot while she�s talking with me.
� She hugs me closely (no �A-frame� hug), warmly, with no tension in her body for a VERY long time (I'm talking minutes).
� She shows me parts of her body that are the �sexually-provocative� parts � for example, she repeatedly bends over, wearing something low-cut and no bra so that I can see her breasts.
� She stands talking with me with one of her breasts pressed into my upper arm/shoulder.
� She stands next to me with her hand on my butt.

Am I totally off the wall reading romantic and/or sexual interest into those behaviors? They�re all ones that I�ve misinterpreted as interest from someone. What do you think?

And, on the other hand, if you�re a woman who wants to communicate interest to someone, those are some suggestions of behaviors that I, at least, read that way (even when I'm not the man involved).

Feedback, please.

Peace~Shalom~Salaam,
Michael
ohanamd@earthlink.net

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CCLSchedule
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartSongCommunity-Online
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ThisIsMyLife
http://groups.msn.com/HeartCenteredMan