This Is My Life 6/26/03

I can�t think of anything much more painful to me than to be in conflict with someone I love � except to be in on-going conflict. It takes a toll on me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I lose large amounts of sleep. I feel as if I'm in a constant state of alarm (which is one definition of stress).

I told you that Antoinette broke up with me on June 6 (correction from my previously saying June 7). We stayed in communication, though, and got back together last Monday, June 23. We were both happy.

But the conflict has continued unabated. I'm putting huge amounts of time, energy, and attention into dealing with it. Most of my vacation time has been about addressing the conflict with Antoinette and doing whatever I can so that she�ll feel loved, desired, and secure.

Now we seem to have hit a wall. We�ve gotten to an issue on which I won�t budge. It appears to me that she wants me to give up my friends, or at least some of them. I hope I'm misperceiving.

I'm feeling in such distress that I know this must be dredging up something crucial for me to look at in my deep consciousness. Michael Ryce said Tuesday evening to remember that we never really see our partner. We only see our image of them that is largely a projection of our own consciousness. Thus, if something needs to be healed, it�s our consciousness about them and about relationships. A good relationship, then, is one in which the people recognize that and support each other in healing their own consciousnesses. Looking outside ourselves to try to solve the problems is looking in the wrong place and will only insure that they continue. He compared that to a �geographical cure� in which we go somewhere new to try to solve our problems and discover that since we�ve brought ourselves with us, the same problems continue. That wasn�t new for me, and it�s important for me to be reminded regularly. And so I look within. Antoinette isn�t the source of the conflict; my consciousness is.

I�d appreciate any prayers for her, for me, for healing in our relationship, and for Divine right outcomes. Thanks.

Sadly,
Michael
ohanamd@earthlink.net

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