9/2/03
Time seems to be flying by. It�s been another 8 days since I wrote about my relationship with Antoinette and what�s happened with Cassandra. In one way I'm happy that time seems to be going so fast. It�s only 22 days + or � a few until Antoinette arrives in Santa Fe to begin her new life and our new life together. That feels like no time at all � especially compared to the 4 months that it was when she left. I could use some loving and cuddling right now (as if there�s a time when that isn�t true).
Besides my health issues, that I wrote about in another letter yesterday, and my ongoing telephone relationship with Antoinette, the other most important thing about the past week was Marianne Williamson�s talk on Thursday and everything related to that.
I was very busy with preparations � including lots of answering the phone and selling tickets. The thing I was most excited about and ultimately most proud of, though, was producing a brochure of coming events that was handed out to everyone at the event. I think it turned out quite wonderfully, if I do say so myself. Lots of people learned about events that I care about through it � Stephen Simon�s workshops, Marshall Rosenberg�s appearance, Karen McPhee�s next workshops, Leslie Temple-Thurston�s darshans, and my own groups, most notably.
Wednesday, the day before Marianne�s event, I led Unity Santa Fe�s prayer and healing service (as I had the week before). It felt quite natural, and it added to how incredibly busy I was. Ah, the wonder of mixed feelings.
Then on Thursday, amidst all the rush of last-minute preparations, I had the opportunity to leave for a couple of hours to pick up my friend MJ from the hospital following outpatient surgery. We also stopped to get her meds on the way home. I believe that there was a spiritual purpose in my getting away from the chaos for a while. It gave me the time to chill out some and really get ready for the evening.
My job at the event was to take care of the entrance stage left and to be there to open the door for Marianne when she arrived. Thus I called myself Marianne�s personal doorman.
While I was standing at my position, I got into a conversation with the audio guy who had been hired for the evening. That turned out to be a meeting full of synchronicity. Matt, the audio guy has his offices in La Fonda Hotel and works with a number of other hotels. I learned some valuable information from him about Santa Fe hotels and possible jobs for Antoinette.
Digressing, that reminds me that Antoinette also experienced some synchronicity last week. A couple staying at the Ritz-Carlton Kapalua Hotel was from Santa Fe. They befriended each other, and it turned out that a relative is retiring from one of the Santa Fe hotels and might be able to get her a job there. There�s a lot more to it, but that�s Antoinette�s story, if she chooses to tell it.
There are many stories I could tell about Antoinette. It�s important for me to remember to tell my own, not hers, even though we are so involved. Our relationship doesn�t mean I have the right to reveal her life in ways that she doesn�t choose. It�s difficult sometimes for me to distinguish what�s mine to tell and what isn�t, though, given how much our lives are intertwined.
Back now to Thursday evening. Apparently Marianne asked for someone to rub her feet during the break between her talk and the question and answer period. Consequently Peg asked Cassandra to do it, and she did. The result of that was that Cassandra encouraged Marianne to plug Marshall Rosenberg�s appearance here since what he teaches is so much in alignment with what Marianne was saying. Marianne was familiar with Marshall and highly respects his work, so she did give a wonderful recommendation for his lecture.
Marianne also gave a great recommendation for Unity Santa Fe, suggesting that everyone go there if they aren�t already. I wonder how many people will attend as a result.
Marianne�s talk and answers to the questions were very inspiring to me (as her messages always are). I know that what she said is true for me � that I need to turn my life over to God and stop trying to do it all myself (though that isn�t really a new insight � just one I'm not paying enough attention to). I want to get a copy of the tape that was made and listen to it again. There was so much of value in what she said, and I didn�t take notes.
Afterwards I met Consuelo�s daughter, her former husband and his new partner, and a long-term friend. It was fun meeting her daughter because I had recently seen her in �Milagro Beanfield Wars.� She played the older daughter of the lead character. She was only 8 then and had just had her 24th birthday on Wednesday.
What else? It looks like the Santa Fe Spiritual Cinema Community may finally take off. Stephen Simon (renowned producer and now director of �Indigo,� which will be released later this year) has agreed to attend our Spiritual Movie Night on 9/27. We�ll be showing his film �What Dreams May Come.�
And the following month we�ll be showing �Milagro Beanfield Wars.� That night one of the actresses, one of the casting directors, and the mother of one of the child actresses will be there. All of them are one person � Consuelo. Maybe her daughter will come, too, and we�ll have 2 of the actresses from the film. Consuelo has offered to give some insights and fun stories about the making of the film. She also said she�d talk about her day in bed with Robert Redford (said with a grin and a twinkle in her eye). I'm guessing he directed her in a scene in which she was in bed, though I'm not sure. There was one such scene in �MBW,� but it got cut down to just a glimpse of her through a crack in the door in John Hurt�s house.
Well, it was a week (plus a day).
Warmly,
Michael
ohanamd@earthlink.net
Read my journal-letters at any of the following web sites:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ohanamd
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ThisIsMyLife
http://ohanamd.blogspot.com
http://ohanamd.deardiary.net
If you�d like to receive my journal-letters via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message necessary) to ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. You�ll receive the same messages that are posted on the web.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Health and healing revisited
9/1/03
I had to make another trip to the ER yesterday. My prostate is acting up again. I don�t remember if I reported in these messages that a doctor told me a year and a half ago to get a biopsy done and that there�s a good chance I�d need to have surgery done.
There are 2 things that keep me from that: The first is that I'm determined to use my mental, emotional, and spiritual healing practices to take care of it. If other people can do that, so can I. I don�t buy the allopathic perspective on health and healing. Allopathic doctors are good for emergencies (hence, the ER), but not very good at real healing or maintaining health. I prefer the complementary approach. I prefer going to a D.O.M. (Doctor of Oriental Medicine) or a naturopath (N.D.) to see what they suggest.
The second is that I don�t have insurance or the money necessary to do anything. I just keep going to the ER and building up debt. I'm in the process of seeing if a special fund for low-income people will cover much of my debt. We shall see. I'm in that middle place that I make too much money to qualify as indigent, but not enough to be able to afford insurance or medical care. I won�t get started about how I think this country needs universal health care coverage or free health care. I could be one of the poster people who are examples of not being able to pay for health care.
So, if you feel moved to it, I�d appreciate your prayers for my healing and health. I�d also appreciate any other form of healing work you might do.
As I write that I feel like I�ve already used up my right to ask for help a year and a half ago when I was in such a desperate place with my health and finances. Things aren�t so desperate now, but in a lot of ways, I'm still in pretty much the same place � similar prostate problems, similar financial issues, just not as extreme.
On top of that, I�ve been feeling a little depressed. That�s similar, too, but not so extreme as back then, either. I wonder if being depressed contributes to my prostate problems. As I look back, it seems that nearly every time I�ve been feeling at least a bit depressed. Most of the time I�ve been feeling lonely and unloved, too. But not every time. Not the time when Antoinette was here for sure. I know there�s something in my consciousness that�s contributing to it, though.
I�ve looked at Louise Hay�s and Karol Truman�s suggestions about the consciousness that creates prostate problems, and I see those thoughts in me. They pretty much say the same thing. Karol Truman words them as:
1. Ideas are in conflict about sex. [My guidance says this is true, and I'm not entirely clear how yet.]
2. Refusing to let go of the past. [This one resonates as true, and there�s more to explore in it.]
3. Fear of aging. [Yes. I wish it weren�t true, and it is. I still want to be 30.]
4. Feels like throwing in the towel. [That�s the depression one. Feeling like giving up, like life is hopeless and takes too much effort.]
I got some tapes that do EMDR via sound, and I haven�t begun to use them yet. I wonder what my resistance is. I'm also not doing other things I know I need to do � exercise, meditating regularly, my Inner Bonding work, probably more. Am I undermining myself?
Anyway, if you�d like to help with prayers or healing work or any other way, I�d appreciate it.
Warmly,
Michael
ohanamd@earthlink.net
Read my journal-letters at any of the following web sites:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ohanamd
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ThisIsMyLife
http://ohanamd.blogspot.com
http://ohanamd.deardiary.net
http://journals.aol.com/sfmichaeld/ThisIsMyLife
If you�d like to receive my journal-letters via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message necessary) to ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. You�ll receive the same messages that are posted on the web.
I had to make another trip to the ER yesterday. My prostate is acting up again. I don�t remember if I reported in these messages that a doctor told me a year and a half ago to get a biopsy done and that there�s a good chance I�d need to have surgery done.
There are 2 things that keep me from that: The first is that I'm determined to use my mental, emotional, and spiritual healing practices to take care of it. If other people can do that, so can I. I don�t buy the allopathic perspective on health and healing. Allopathic doctors are good for emergencies (hence, the ER), but not very good at real healing or maintaining health. I prefer the complementary approach. I prefer going to a D.O.M. (Doctor of Oriental Medicine) or a naturopath (N.D.) to see what they suggest.
The second is that I don�t have insurance or the money necessary to do anything. I just keep going to the ER and building up debt. I'm in the process of seeing if a special fund for low-income people will cover much of my debt. We shall see. I'm in that middle place that I make too much money to qualify as indigent, but not enough to be able to afford insurance or medical care. I won�t get started about how I think this country needs universal health care coverage or free health care. I could be one of the poster people who are examples of not being able to pay for health care.
So, if you feel moved to it, I�d appreciate your prayers for my healing and health. I�d also appreciate any other form of healing work you might do.
As I write that I feel like I�ve already used up my right to ask for help a year and a half ago when I was in such a desperate place with my health and finances. Things aren�t so desperate now, but in a lot of ways, I'm still in pretty much the same place � similar prostate problems, similar financial issues, just not as extreme.
On top of that, I�ve been feeling a little depressed. That�s similar, too, but not so extreme as back then, either. I wonder if being depressed contributes to my prostate problems. As I look back, it seems that nearly every time I�ve been feeling at least a bit depressed. Most of the time I�ve been feeling lonely and unloved, too. But not every time. Not the time when Antoinette was here for sure. I know there�s something in my consciousness that�s contributing to it, though.
I�ve looked at Louise Hay�s and Karol Truman�s suggestions about the consciousness that creates prostate problems, and I see those thoughts in me. They pretty much say the same thing. Karol Truman words them as:
1. Ideas are in conflict about sex. [My guidance says this is true, and I'm not entirely clear how yet.]
2. Refusing to let go of the past. [This one resonates as true, and there�s more to explore in it.]
3. Fear of aging. [Yes. I wish it weren�t true, and it is. I still want to be 30.]
4. Feels like throwing in the towel. [That�s the depression one. Feeling like giving up, like life is hopeless and takes too much effort.]
I got some tapes that do EMDR via sound, and I haven�t begun to use them yet. I wonder what my resistance is. I'm also not doing other things I know I need to do � exercise, meditating regularly, my Inner Bonding work, probably more. Am I undermining myself?
Anyway, if you�d like to help with prayers or healing work or any other way, I�d appreciate it.
Warmly,
Michael
ohanamd@earthlink.net
Read my journal-letters at any of the following web sites:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ohanamd
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ThisIsMyLife
http://ohanamd.blogspot.com
http://ohanamd.deardiary.net
http://journals.aol.com/sfmichaeld/ThisIsMyLife
If you�d like to receive my journal-letters via e-mail, send an e-mail (no message necessary) to ThisIsMyLife-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. You�ll receive the same messages that are posted on the web.
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