What's the point?

My last message and some replies to it and to previous messages inspired this one.

A lot of people write journals and publish them on the internet. Perhaps you're wondering why we all do that. I know some of you don't understand the point of my writing about my process on Saturday evening and other similar messages.

Well, I don't know why everyone else does it. I haven't asked all of them. In fact, I haven't asked any of them. However, I do know at least a few of the reasons that I do.

Here are a few of them:

1. It's a way for people who might be interested in doing so to get to know me more deeply. Anyone who is interested has the option to read what I write, and those who aren't have the option not to read it. By being exceptionally open about whatever is going on with me, you get to know me in a way that's not the common Middle American way. I don't have a great need for privacy, and I do have a greater need for intimacy - which is, in part, a function of vulnerable openness.

One very relevant example: Prior to our meeting, Antoinette read all of my journal-letters that she could find. I think she knew my history better than I did. She admitted recently that she began to have a bit of a crush on me just from reading those messages, even before we met in person.

2. I like attention. "Yes," some of you are thinking, "I knew it." It's the same part of me that gets me up in front of groups performing. I think most of us like attention in some ways from some people. I just like more of it than a lot of people do. I know that some people have judgments about wanting attention. I suggest that those judgments may be a reflection of negative messages we received as children about attention-seeking. I think wanting attention is fine. It's only a problem when it's out of balance and becomes compulsive and desperate or when it's about wanting all attention and isn't balanced by giving others attention, too.

3. I hope maybe occasionally someone will be entertained by some of what I write. I know that's true sometimes.

4. Most of all, though, I hope that it will make a difference in some way to some of the people who read it. There are lots of autobiographical books that have become best sellers because readers have gotten value from the authors' self-disclosure. I think of some of Richard Bach's books (for example, Bridge Across Forever), Francis Horn's I Want One Thing, Marlo Morgan's Mutant Messages Down Under, a lot of Alan Cohen's material. . . come to think of it, a lot of the books I value most are at least partly autobiographical. I hope that something I experience, some insight I gain, some thought I have, some process I go through, some way that I deal with issues, some something I write about will facilitate some kind of breakthrough or provide an idea or suggest a new way of doing something that's important to some of the people who read my journal-letters.

Actually, that's now beyond a hope. I know from some of the feedback I've received that it's already happened, and I feel blessed and honored by that.

Specifically regarding my process Saturday evening . . . One of the things I hope some people will get is an idea of a different way of handling feelings related to another person than the one I learned as a child. I hope other people will feel validated in their way of dealing with their own feelings related to others. My intention is to observe feelings and detach myself from them, to treat them as interesting phenomena, to own my responsibility for them, to open to learning about loving, to communicate what's true for me, to ask Spirit for a higher way, and to be open about that process. That works for me.

What I'm not doing is suffering, asking people for advice, making myself out to be a victim, building it all up into a big deal, blaming her, wanting her to fix it for me, hiding it so other people won't see my weaknesses, or any of the other approaches I learned in my family of origin and from culture in general.

That's it, folks. That's why I write these. Maybe someday some of my journal-letters will become the foundation for a book. We shall see. If so, you can say you read some of it in its original form.

Now I'm wondering why all those other people write their online journals.

Warmly,
Michael