I seldom post things other people have written, except for brief quotations and occasional poetry. I want to focus on my own writing, my own thoughts, my own feelings. This time is an exception. What I’m going to offer you is so important to me that I want to pass it along.
So, even though I didn’t write it, consider it my ideas – because I endorse it without reservation.
This is a section of a chapter in Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by God? by Margaret Paul, Ph.D. I encourage you to buy and to read the entire book.
Caring and Caretaking
It is important to understand the huge difference between caring and caretaking. You are caretaking when you give to someone out of fear, obligation, or guilt. You are caretaking when you have an agenda attached. For example, you may want to be seen as good and loving, or you may want to be loved back or avoid anger. You are also caretaking when you do for another what they need to do for themselves. Giving that harms you – physically, emotionally, financially – is caretaking. Caretaking is draining. You are not bringing through God’s love. You are giving in the hopes of getting something back. When you don’t get it, you feel drained and resentful.
You are caring when, out of your love, empathy, and compassion, you do for others what they cannot do for themselves, with no strings attached. You are caring when you take care of babies, children, the elderly, the disabled, and the ill (provided they are not using their illness as a way out of personal responsibility). You are caring when you are mothering, bringing through God’s love to others who cannot yet do this for themselves. You are caring when you are fathering, taking action for others when they cannot take action for themselves.
You are caring when you give something to another as a gift with no strings attached. You may give money or time that comes from your heart and brings you joy to give. You might make a lovely dinner for someone, even though that person is fully capable of making dinner, because it gives you joy to give to him or her in this way. There are many little things you might choose to do for others because it makes their life easier, not because you expect anything in return, but because it gives you joy to do so. This is caring. This is love. This is being an instrument of God.
Caretaking is giving from the wounded child-adult – giving to get, or giving out of fear, obligation, or guilt. Caring is giving from the loving Adult, being an emissary of God.
And so it is,
Michael
So, even though I didn’t write it, consider it my ideas – because I endorse it without reservation.
This is a section of a chapter in Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by God? by Margaret Paul, Ph.D. I encourage you to buy and to read the entire book.
Caring and Caretaking
It is important to understand the huge difference between caring and caretaking. You are caretaking when you give to someone out of fear, obligation, or guilt. You are caretaking when you have an agenda attached. For example, you may want to be seen as good and loving, or you may want to be loved back or avoid anger. You are also caretaking when you do for another what they need to do for themselves. Giving that harms you – physically, emotionally, financially – is caretaking. Caretaking is draining. You are not bringing through God’s love. You are giving in the hopes of getting something back. When you don’t get it, you feel drained and resentful.
You are caring when, out of your love, empathy, and compassion, you do for others what they cannot do for themselves, with no strings attached. You are caring when you take care of babies, children, the elderly, the disabled, and the ill (provided they are not using their illness as a way out of personal responsibility). You are caring when you are mothering, bringing through God’s love to others who cannot yet do this for themselves. You are caring when you are fathering, taking action for others when they cannot take action for themselves.
You are caring when you give something to another as a gift with no strings attached. You may give money or time that comes from your heart and brings you joy to give. You might make a lovely dinner for someone, even though that person is fully capable of making dinner, because it gives you joy to give to him or her in this way. There are many little things you might choose to do for others because it makes their life easier, not because you expect anything in return, but because it gives you joy to do so. This is caring. This is love. This is being an instrument of God.
Caretaking is giving from the wounded child-adult – giving to get, or giving out of fear, obligation, or guilt. Caring is giving from the loving Adult, being an emissary of God.
And so it is,
Michael
No comments:
Post a Comment