Taking and receiving

The other side of caring or caretaking is receiving or taking. I want to complete the picture for you, so here's another section of Margie Paul's chapter in her book Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by God?

Once again, I pass this along as something I agree with completely. And once again, I encourage you to read the entire book.

Taking and Receiving

You are taking when you have expectations about what another person "should" be giving you. You are taking when you expect others to do for you what you can and need to do for yourself. You are taking when you try to control what others choose to give. You are taking when you do not take responsibility for your own health and well-being and expect others to give themselves up for you – to take care of you physically, emotionally, financially, sexually, or spiritually. Anytime you expect someone to sacrifice themselves for you, you are taking. You cannot be giving when your intent is to take. This is the true definition of selfish – wanting only to take from other people, wanting others to sacrifice themselves for you, and giving to them only with the intent to get something in return.

You are receiving when you accept help when you need it. You are receiving when you allow others to mother or father you, to bring Divine Love to you. You are receiving when you lovingly take in what is offered from the heart – compliments, appreciation, validation, gifts. It is the loving Adult who allows the Inner Child to receive. It is the wounded child-adult who blocks out receiving, who just wants to take and have control over what is given.

There is no sense of obligation when you are caring and receiving – only when you are caretaking and taking. Feeling a sense of obligation can alert you to the fact that the other person is caretaking rather than caring. When there are strings attached to giving, you will probably feel obligated. When someone gives to you from the heart and obviously receives joy in the giving, you will not feel obligated. When someone is caretaking, an invisible scorecard is kept, and eventually the caretaker will get angry if you do not even the score by giving him or her something back. Many people automatically keep this invisible scorecard and, in addition to feeling that you owe them something when they caretake you, they feel that they owe you something when they take from you. This scorecard ruins many relationships.

And so it is,
Michael