If...

I’ve known her for a few months. We met sometime after A and I broke up. I don’t exactly remember when. We’ve talked some, but never at length, yet we know some pretty personal things about each other. I’m intentionally being vague. You’ll probably understand after you’ve read the rest of this. I’ll call her NK.

NK is one of those women in my life. “What women?” you ask. She’s one of those women I find attractive and like being around, one I wonder if I might fall in love with if circumstances were different. But circumstances are what they are. I’m too recently out of a relationship, too raw, not healed enough to get involved seriously with anyone. And NK is involved with someone already. As I said, if circumstances were different….

A few days ago NK and I had the longest conversation we’ve ever had, though it wasn’t all that long compared to some I’ve had. I was enjoying my time with her. Then it happened.

NK told me she likes me and enjoys talking with me. I returned the sentiments. And she said, “If I weren’t already involved with someone, I’d be interested in you.” Without a thought I said, “If you weren’t involved with someone, I’d be interested in you, too.”

There it was. Now what?

We agreed to continue to be friends. For me that’s a genuine commitment, not some sneaky way to reject someone. I think it was for her, too.

I won’t interfere with her relationship for several reasons. First, I don’t think I’ll have to take someone away from another man if she’s really my right partner. I believe that what’s rightfully mine will come to me easily. Second, I don’t want that bad karma in my life. I know that what goes around comes back around. Third, I don’t want to hurt another man just to have what I want. And fourth, as I said before, I’m not really ready for another relationship right now anyway. Any woman I’d get involved with these days would just be a transitional relationship.

So, I’ll be her friend. I doubt that any of you knows how many of those women there are in my life in some way – women I’m attracted to who are just my friends because the circumstances aren’t right for one reason or another or several. I’d bet that some of you who are reading this are among those women. I don’t have any pressing need to be involved romantically with any of those women; I’m content to have them as friends. I just know that in my mind and heart, there would be the potential for a romantic relationship if all those circumstances were different. But they aren’t.

By the way, one of the circumstances whenever I’m involved in a romantic relationship is that I’m already committed to her. I wouldn’t be looking for (or even open to) someone else to replace her. Refer to the first three reasons I mentioned for not interfering with someone else’s relationship and adapt them. I won’t interfere in that way with my own relationship, either.

What stands out to me about this most of all is that I was in that phase of breaking up with someone when I doubt that any woman I’ll find attractive will ever be interested in me again. Well, maybe I was mistaken. Maybe there are other possibilities in this life for me to have a romantic relationship. But, are there any without some of those circumstances that turn them into “just friends”? As I told one friend, it seems that most of the women I find attractive (and I mean far more than physically attractive) are either already involved with someone else or else not interested.

The door is open just a crack. If….

Namaste,
Michael