Another update

Some of you have been asking about me again, so I'll overcome my inertia and tell you a little about what’s up.

As always, I want to start by extending my enormous gratitude to everyone who has helped me in any way – with money, prayers, or communicating your concern. You all know who you are, and you can be sure that I will remember.

My best news is that I am still experiencing NO PAIN (at least physical pain). I'm holding it that I’m permanently free of TN. A friend made a good point a couple of days ago. I’ve stopped calling it a remission. “Remission” makes it sound like it will be coming back soon. I am free of the pain of TN. Thank You, God.

The mixed new is about money. Enough has come in that I’ve caught up with my rent and have paid some of my other expenses. On the other hand, I still have loan payments, car payments, and medical expenses outstanding, and unless something changes, I won’t have all of the money for my rent again at the first of March. As I take some deep breaths, I'm imagining money flowing to me and through me from every direction. I'm eager to get to a place with money that I can contribute to other people instead of being short on what I need for my expenses.

I’ve sold a few of the things I had to sell, and that has helped. I'm returning calls and e-mails this weekend to more people who have expressed interest in things. Still available: computer, printer, TV, fax machine, carved wooden box, tent, and floor fan.

The bad news, however, is that I dropped into a deeper depression again for a while. Valentine’s Day combined with grieving about Antoinette seems to have been what set it off. It got worse the closer it came to V-Day and has begun lightening up some since then. That, I think, is my next thing to face. I have to do something about getting so depressed occasionally that I can’t motivate myself to do anything of value. It feels like being in a deep hole and trying to climb out, but slipping and falling back in … until somehow I finally find my way out.

The temp job I was doing ended Thursday 9 days ago. No other temp jobs came along, so I finally took a substitute teaching job again – this one with 8th graders. I hated it. How many times do I need to keep repeating this to get it? Doing short-term subbing in the Santa Fe public schools with kids who don’t care, won’t listen, and don’t want to learn anything is not for me.

The company I was temping for liked me, though, and wants me back at the end of the month for about another 3 weeks. It’s far less stress for $11 per day more than substituting in the SF schools. Does that make sense to anyone? Why are substitute teachers paid so incredibly little for such a stressful job?

I’ve also been lining up other part-time jobs:

1. I'm still looking for acting jobs.

2. I’ve gotten my credentials in order to be able to perform weddings. I officiated for a lot of weddings in the past. It’s just a matter now of publicizing my availability in a way that attracts people who want to get married (or to do commitment ceremonies – either straight or gay).

3. I’ve been hired by a company to do secret shopping. I'll go into businesses and either ask for information or buy something (or both) and then report on all kinds of things – service, cleanliness, etc. It isn’t a huge money-maker, but I may be able to make about $100 per month for not a lot of work.

4. I’ve been hired as an in-home tutor by a national company. They’re building their business in Santa Fe, and there will probably be more students by next fall than there are now. We’ll see. I'll like this more than subbing for the Santa Fe schools because I'll be working with kids who are motivated – or else I can report that they aren’t and stop working with them. I'll make somewhere between $17.50 and $25 per hour for working with each student.

5. I’ve been hired as a substitute teacher by the Los Alamos schools. They’re 40 minutes away, but a friend who subs there says the atmosphere is totally different than in the Santa Fe schools. He says the kids aren’t so resistant and there isn’t any chaos management to do. So, I'll try it.

6. I'm reapplying to substitute teach with a couple of private schools in Santa Fe. It looked like there were some possibilities last fall, but then I got the 3-month long-term assignment I had up to Thanksgiving and couldn’t take anything else.

7. I applied with Sylvan Learning Center to teach for them. I don’t know if I'll do it, though. They only pay $9.50 per hour to work with 3 kids at a time, and they require that I sign an agreement not to do any private tutoring. I'm letting the idea simmer this weekend before I decide for sure.

8. I’ve applied to work through a 4th temporary agency. So far the other 3 haven’t been able to keep me busy, so I'll add another one.

9. I'm starting a business selling pre-paid legal plans and identity theft protection. I have no idea yet how lucrative that might be for me, but they sound like great plans.

10. I'm disappointed to have missed out on one that I would have loved to have. I heard just a little too late about the possibility of being hired as a tour guide for groups (for example, school groups) at Las Golondrinas (a historical site that’s an old New Mexican hacienda).

11. I’ve gotten information about taking training to get a license as a real estate agent. It’s something I’ve thought about for a long time, and real estate is a booming business in Santa Fe.

12. I'm still working on preparing to do my other services and businesses that I’ve written about before.

13. And I'm staying open to any other interesting possibilities that may appear. I check the job ads regularly and keep my ears and eyes open.

So, there it is. On the whole, things are a lot better than they were a month ago. I'm beginning to see some light at the edge of the very dark place I’ve been mired in. I can still use some help getting there, though. If all goes as expected, I'll be free of the worst of my problems by a month from now. As always, anyone who feels called to help will be hugely appreciated, and I appreciate prayers if nothing else.

I WILL survive. I WILL thrive. And I WILL get to a place soon where I can contribute to other people and help others who need it.

Blessings to you all,
Michael

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day, and I love you to:

All the women I’ve ever loved romantically – there is a place in my heart still for all of you,

Antoinette, in particular, wishing we had been more compatible,

The woman of my dreams, whoever you are, wherever you are,

All of my family,

All of my friends,

All of the people who would be my friends if we knew each other,

All of humankind.

The last thing Meredith said at the end of a very powerful 2-part episode of Grey’s Anatomy this past Sunday was, “If you knew this was the last day of your life, what would you want to do?”

I ask you the same thing. If you knew this was the last day of your life, what would you want to do?

If I knew this was the last day of my life, I’d want to spend it sharing love. I’d want to tell the people who matter to me how much they’ve meant to me and to hear from them whatever they want to say to me.

To all of you: I hope this day is wonderful for you and that your life is overflowing with love, peace, joy, health, abundance, and fulfillment.

Love,
Michael

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