I’ve known her for a few months. We met sometime after A and I broke up. I don’t exactly remember when. We’ve talked some, but never at length, yet we know some pretty personal things about each other. I’m intentionally being vague. You’ll probably understand after you’ve read the rest of this. I’ll call her NK.
NK is one of those women in my life. “What women?” you ask. She’s one of those women I find attractive and like being around, one I wonder if I might fall in love with if circumstances were different. But circumstances are what they are. I’m too recently out of a relationship, too raw, not healed enough to get involved seriously with anyone. And NK is involved with someone already. As I said, if circumstances were different….
A few days ago NK and I had the longest conversation we’ve ever had, though it wasn’t all that long compared to some I’ve had. I was enjoying my time with her. Then it happened.
NK told me she likes me and enjoys talking with me. I returned the sentiments. And she said, “If I weren’t already involved with someone, I’d be interested in you.” Without a thought I said, “If you weren’t involved with someone, I’d be interested in you, too.”
There it was. Now what?
We agreed to continue to be friends. For me that’s a genuine commitment, not some sneaky way to reject someone. I think it was for her, too.
I won’t interfere with her relationship for several reasons. First, I don’t think I’ll have to take someone away from another man if she’s really my right partner. I believe that what’s rightfully mine will come to me easily. Second, I don’t want that bad karma in my life. I know that what goes around comes back around. Third, I don’t want to hurt another man just to have what I want. And fourth, as I said before, I’m not really ready for another relationship right now anyway. Any woman I’d get involved with these days would just be a transitional relationship.
So, I’ll be her friend. I doubt that any of you knows how many of those women there are in my life in some way – women I’m attracted to who are just my friends because the circumstances aren’t right for one reason or another or several. I’d bet that some of you who are reading this are among those women. I don’t have any pressing need to be involved romantically with any of those women; I’m content to have them as friends. I just know that in my mind and heart, there would be the potential for a romantic relationship if all those circumstances were different. But they aren’t.
By the way, one of the circumstances whenever I’m involved in a romantic relationship is that I’m already committed to her. I wouldn’t be looking for (or even open to) someone else to replace her. Refer to the first three reasons I mentioned for not interfering with someone else’s relationship and adapt them. I won’t interfere in that way with my own relationship, either.
What stands out to me about this most of all is that I was in that phase of breaking up with someone when I doubt that any woman I’ll find attractive will ever be interested in me again. Well, maybe I was mistaken. Maybe there are other possibilities in this life for me to have a romantic relationship. But, are there any without some of those circumstances that turn them into “just friends”? As I told one friend, it seems that most of the women I find attractive (and I mean far more than physically attractive) are either already involved with someone else or else not interested.
The door is open just a crack. If….
Namaste,
Michael
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Answering the call
Have you ever followed a seemingly unimportant inner urging and found yourself in a significant experience as a result? It just happened with me again early yesterday evening.
I’m housesitting at a home in Las Campanas (for any of you who is familiar with areas of Santa Fe). Since I know that phone calls will very rarely be for me (the homeowners are the only people I know who have the number and know I’m here), I sometimes answer them and usually don’t. Then I check messages occasionally to see if there’s something important to communicate to the people who live here.
Early yesterday evening the phone rang. I was going to ignore it, but something inside – one of those inner urgings I sometimes have – told me to answer. My rational mind thought maybe it was the homeowners calling to tell me they’d arrived where they were going. It wasn’t.
A woman named Karen was calling for the wife of the couple who lives here. When she heard that her friends had already left, she began chatting a bit anyway. She was very friendly. Then – I don’t recall how it came up – she told me that she’s had cancer and is working on recovery. I could have just listened. I could have ignored it. I could have done a lot of things, I guess. But another of those inner urgings arose.
I encouraged her to stay positive about it and briefly told her about Barbara, my friend who has recently beaten cancer for the second time. I also felt moved to tell her that we had gotten people all over the world to pray for her. Well, she really connected with that, and we ended up having a fairly long conversation about prayer and healing and about how we pray and about leaving the outcome open for whatever is the most spiritually appropriate outcome. I told her about ending prayers with “this or something better for the highest benefit of everyone concerned,” and she loved that. When we finally finished, Karen thanked me and said that our conversation had been important for her.
By following my inner urgings about a phone call from a stranger, I found myself ministering to someone and making a difference. Isn’t it interesting how the calls may come? I pledge myself, once again, to pay attention and to follow my inner guidance, whenever and however it appears. I never know when it might be directing me to something important.
Namaste,
Michael
I’m housesitting at a home in Las Campanas (for any of you who is familiar with areas of Santa Fe). Since I know that phone calls will very rarely be for me (the homeowners are the only people I know who have the number and know I’m here), I sometimes answer them and usually don’t. Then I check messages occasionally to see if there’s something important to communicate to the people who live here.
Early yesterday evening the phone rang. I was going to ignore it, but something inside – one of those inner urgings I sometimes have – told me to answer. My rational mind thought maybe it was the homeowners calling to tell me they’d arrived where they were going. It wasn’t.
A woman named Karen was calling for the wife of the couple who lives here. When she heard that her friends had already left, she began chatting a bit anyway. She was very friendly. Then – I don’t recall how it came up – she told me that she’s had cancer and is working on recovery. I could have just listened. I could have ignored it. I could have done a lot of things, I guess. But another of those inner urgings arose.
I encouraged her to stay positive about it and briefly told her about Barbara, my friend who has recently beaten cancer for the second time. I also felt moved to tell her that we had gotten people all over the world to pray for her. Well, she really connected with that, and we ended up having a fairly long conversation about prayer and healing and about how we pray and about leaving the outcome open for whatever is the most spiritually appropriate outcome. I told her about ending prayers with “this or something better for the highest benefit of everyone concerned,” and she loved that. When we finally finished, Karen thanked me and said that our conversation had been important for her.
By following my inner urgings about a phone call from a stranger, I found myself ministering to someone and making a difference. Isn’t it interesting how the calls may come? I pledge myself, once again, to pay attention and to follow my inner guidance, whenever and however it appears. I never know when it might be directing me to something important.
Namaste,
Michael
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